I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
