plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
