i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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