am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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