I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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