Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
