I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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