You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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