No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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