so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
