so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
