I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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