i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
