this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
