if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
