See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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