dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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