so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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