he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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