hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
