I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
