The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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