I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
