If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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