well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
