Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my shit smells like andre
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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