Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
