return my video game
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
