It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
