he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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