there's paper in my vomit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
