just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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