Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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