You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
