if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
