She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize