yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
