Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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