I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
