me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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