He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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