just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
