This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
