I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
