its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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