Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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