Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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