Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just threw up on my dentist
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
