Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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