How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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