so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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