You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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