We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
