I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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