You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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