I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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