Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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