Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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