seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
