My hand turned me down
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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