It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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