This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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