It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the liver wants what the liver wants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
