okay pat passed out under dana's car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
