We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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