bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
