I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
