One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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