fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
