it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
