Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
